The woman freaked me out. she had red lips, blond hair and very white skin. she looked like a dreadful vampire, trying to hunt for me.She had an armada with here and she was ready to attack. Then I saw a ship in the ho risen. It was coming for me. Then the woman jumped of the ship. She came on a surge to gamble with a man for “life-or-death.” Amazingly, the man won but no souls were given. Instead, the woman lift without a trace.How quiet peculiar.
Powered by our collective imagination
December 2, 2014 at 8:30 am
Hello,
I can see very clearly which event you are writing about. You have taken some details from the poem that help to describe the woman and also shown that you have understood the character of the mariner. I can also see that you are using complex sentences to help the flow of your piece.
Targets:
1) Vary your vocabulary – how might you use another word instead of ‘then’ to show how events have progressed?
2) Re-read and edit for typos and spelling mistakes.
3) Did you write a plan? Is your meaning clear throughout?