Annie was on his way to her home on a stormy night when she heard something. She thought it was a cat but it looked bigger than that. She ran but it was worthless since the thing was faster. All of a sudden, the thing got in front of her. It was a man wearing a hood. He took it of. The man wasn’t hear to attack but hear to help. He told her his name was Timothy. She was taken home and said thanks. Ever since this peculiar meeting, both Annie and Timothy have been friends for a very long time.
Powered by our collective imagination
February 8, 2015 at 4:48 pm
This shows some good potential. You have shown that you can use sophisticated vocabulary and that you can correctly punctuate complex sentences (although see your targets).
Targets:
1) always proof-read your work. You have confused your pronouns in your first sentence. Check your spellings – learn the difference between of and off.
2) practise your use of comples sentences to help improve your flow.
3) write a plan to help develop ideas – how might your descriptions of the setting be developed to give us a sense of character emotions?